To be a people pleaser

My whole life I've been a people pleaser. I made decisions based off of others happiness.

My goal for so long was to always keep people happy. Say what people wanted to hear. Live my life the way I knew others think I should live it.

Derek on the other hand is not a people pleaser. When we were first married, if he didn't think your joke was funny, he wouldn't laugh. If he didn't agree, he'd tell you...sometimes. Now he is better at giving a giggle just to make things easier (most of the time), or staying silent when he disagrees.

So since a people pleaser and self pleaser came together (Derek and I), we have come to find a balance that I think is working out OK.

We have been so much happier since learning to not care so much what people think. I've also found that I'm able to relate to others better. I love that people know the real me, and not the semi-real me. It does seem like someone is always saddened or disagrees with our decision in one thing or another, but the biggest thing we've learned being married is YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE.

You just can't. We move to New York, someone disagrees. We plan a trip to Thailand, someone disagrees. I have a public blog, someone disagrees. I drink caffeine, someone disagrees.

All of this said, I also think it is important to be sensitive to what is important to others. Something not important to us may be important to somebody else. Just had to throw that out there because I knew it would be coming in a comment. :)

Long story short, I used to be a people pleaser. Derek and New York have changed me. They've been great changes. I'm happier. I'm living my life more fully. I'm more ME.

For example: I sneeze. A stranger blesses me. Before NY, I would have given some frilled up extra sweet thank you. I can now give a thanks without hardly turning my head, just as they didn't turn their head to bless me. And I don't feel like a jerk doing it.

A quote Mr. D recently shared with me that I enjoyed so much...

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby

I would love to hear your thoughts on people pleasing. Are you a people pleaser? Where should the line be drawn?

PS... Central Park is BEAUTIFUL right now. Gosh I'm so in love with this place. We went for a little walk with the camera. Pictures to come. :)

PPS... Did you hear about the hurricane heading to the city tomorrow evening? I'm feeling so glad I took pictures of the park before all of the leaves blow off the trees. Hopefully I'll get another post in before we lose power (if we lose power). To be honest, I don't think it's going to be as bad as people are thinking, but I guess we'll find out! I feel a little excited, and a little nervous because we have no idea what to expect. We bought some snacks and water from the store that will hopefully last us a few days if we don't have power. Prayers are welcome.

Not-so-people-pleaser Mandy


  1. Amanda Petersen10/28/2012

    I love reading your blog posts! Yes, just consider me your blog stalker. I can totally relate to this. I've always considered myself a people pleaser. But, since getting married, I have also learned to not be so uptight about how every word that exits my mouth affects someone else. It's exhausting! Like you mentioned, it feels so much different being able to be yourself without the anxiety of what others will think about you. Sometimes it's worth it not to care so much. Life is too short to try to please everybody 100% of the time.

    1. I agree, it is exhausting! And it's still so hard for me. PS...You can be my blog stalker any day. :) Miss ya old friend!

  2. This is so great! Yay for doing stuff that makes you happy.

  3. Yes, I am usually a people pleaser, and happy to do it. But! Being pregnant, I get a lot of advice and comments from a lot of people, and it's impossible to please everyone. And being pregnant, I really care a lot less about what people think of me--I'm too tired and too big to put in that effort :) People get very upset when you don't agree with them about baby stuff though...

    1. Crap, now I'm scared to get pregnant. People already feel the need to get in our business enough as it is. Hopefully I'll be good enough at not people pleasing by then that I can just not care and let it get to me. PS...you're so cute pregnant! I love reading your blog!

  4. I am totally a people pleaser. I think there is a fine balance of caring too much, and caring too little, and I teeter totter to both sides way too frequently. I will sometimes think to myself, stop people pleasing so much, but then I will end up swinging too far to the other side. It's hard to know exactly what to do! I am on the road to finding a good balance, hopefully I make it! ;)

    1. It IS so hard to know what to do and to decide when it's worth it or not. It's just easier to people please in some situations, and not in others! You're obviously doin somethin right since so many people love you. I've never seen someone with so many friends!


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