Why do I do this to myself?

Singing in church. It's a crazy thing. I get more nervous to sing in church than anywhere else. I've agreed to singing in 3 different wards in the last two months. Today, I decided, I've gotta stop. I get so stressed, so nervous. Yes, I can sing, but when my vocal chords are shaken up with nerves running throughout them, it's not the same. Yes, this is a vent. I hate the nerves, I hate feeling mad at myself after, it drives me all crazy. So if you were thinking about asking me to sing in your ward, my answer is no.

Ok, all better. Phew! I feel so relieved, and really don't want to put myself through it again even though I know it's good for me and good to share my talents. I sometimes think it's not worth it. I am amazed with people who can do something like that without getting nervous. I always believe the more you do something, the less nervous you get but I was definitely more nervous today than I have ever been. It's all a mental game. I wish I had all control over my brain and thoughts. They should come out with a pill to have that control. I'm rambling. I'm stopping.

I want to leave you with sharing my gratitude for good friends. We spent some time with friends last night. I love my friends so much. We don't spend time with friends often, but we love when we get to. And I'm glad they're finally dating boys so we can bring our men along. Everything is better with Derek around. I also need to give a little shout out to Derek. He has to put up with my anxiety attacks before I sing. He's a trooper. Really.